006: The Growth Cycle

-Transcript-

Bruce: Welcome to episode six of our Unshackled Love podcast. I am Bruce Payne sitting here with my beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous professor of a wife,

Kaila: Kaila Payne. You threw me off there with that, prof Payne.

Bruce: Well, I just wanted to throw it in tonight. You know, we've been sitting here going back and forth as we podcast, and tonight's gonna be a night where my wife, who happens to be a professor at a university that we both attended.

I mean, we didn't meet there cause we went through like a decade apart. But, that being said, she is a professor, and so with her speaking that it was like, Hey, you wanna, I'm gonna address you as Professor Payne, so I can even take notes as you sit here and preach tonight.

Kaila: Well, yes. for those of you who are just joining us, you're gonna find that Bruce and I wear many hats, including the fact that we're both teachers in the greater Austin areas.

So teaching in the public school setting is our daytime job, and then our nighttime job is parenting nine beautiful, wonderful, also, equally crazy children,

Bruce: just like their mom. Their mom is absolutely wonderful. Yet a dash of crazy.

Kaila: Mm-hmm. sometimes. And in there daddy's like a big splash of crazy. Like if, if it's an Arnold Palmer, like he's the crazy.

and the beautiful, it's like together. It's just like,

Bruce: absolutely. And and just for those of you who listen in, I actually like my Arnold Palmer with a little bit of lemonade cuz I have enough sweetness in me. Whereas in for her, she can use a little extra sweetness in her lemonade and in her honor, Palmer, just to make her a little bit more sweet.

It's because I have more Jesus in me.

Kaila: That's such a lie. I like unsweet iced tea.

Bruce: Just like your personality . Just kidding. She is super sweet. Half the month. Um, anyway. Anyways, okay, so I digress.

Kaila: You are going to, as you get to know, Bruce and I, you are going to realize that on top of teaching during the day and parenting nine kids at night, we do also wear many hats.

Which one of mine just happens to be. A professor of early childhood education. I helped teach pre-service teachers, but I also recently joined the John Maxwell team as I work towards this new season of life that I feel God is calling us to, and that's family and parenting coaching.

I joined the John Maxwell team in order to become a certified speaker, trainer, and coach with an emphasis really on family and parenting guidance and mentorship and coaching. And one of the reasons that I really feel this is so important is because we cannot effectively lead our children, like Proverb 22: 6 says, "lead your children the way they go and they will not depart from it"; we can't effectively do that if we don't know the path we're supposed to be on ourselves. And so with this new year, still fresh, we're a week into this new year and I know that a lot of people are taking this time to assess and reflect and maybe set new goals or quote unquote New Year's resolutions.

Bruce: I love how you say New Year's resolutions. As someone who's just turned 40 I think I've had enough of those in my life to sit there and say I never need another New Year's resolution again. And, for those of you who know my wife and I throughout the year of 2022, I feel like we had a bunch of resolutions take place in our life, but none of 'em started actually in January.

Right? Does that make sense? Like we, whether it's eating healthy, whether it's losing weight, whether it's not drinking alcohol anymore, whatever it might be, we had a lot of different things that God kind of put in front of us that we chose to follow based on what he was leading us to do.

Kaila: Exactly, and so at this time, most of us, this is when we take the time to actually sit and do it, and we're thinking about, and it's at the forefront, but the reality is, is growing and having these goals.

This should be an ongoing process. This should be something that we continuously go through that maybe it's quarterly, you're sitting down and setting new goals and new resolutions okay, did I meet my old goals? Do I need to change my goal? What went well, what didn't go well?

And so today we're gonna talk about growing and self-growth. But the reason that self-growth is so important, especially if you're a parent, is because you're responsible for growing your children into adults. And so, Again, I've mentioned earlier I joined the John Maxwell team. The first book that I read through by John Maxwell was The 15 Laws of Growth, and it really just stood out to me because as a teacher who promotes a growth mindset with my students and wanting them to grow, and that this idea of fixed knowledge, right, that we're not just born with knowledge, but everybody has the ability to grow as one who feels so passionately about that inside the classroom.

I also know that that. Stop that. We are continuous learners as we go on through life. And even though John Maxwell's book is very geared towards leadership, I wanted to read this quote to you by John Maxwell and just think about it in the idea of, or in the view of parenting and how this applies to parenting.

So John Maxwell says, "growing yourself enables you to grow others. To reach your potential, you must grow and to grow, you must be intentional about it. As leaders, we must have a personal growth plan in order to lead our people well, because you cannot give what you do not have, and you cannot deliver what you have not developed."

Bruce: And I think right there, and I'm gonna let you go back into that in a second, but as a teacher, we sit here and you often hear, or even as a student, the moment you stop learning is the moment you start dying. It doesn't matter how old you are. We go back and forth, ages just a number, but the reality is you can be five and learn whether you're in kindergarten or you can be 85.

You should be learning about something in life. There's always something to learn. Just because you're 85 years old doesn't mean there's something you can't learn about life or about yourself or sit there and challenge yourself with, per se.

Kaila: And even thinking about our kids and how our teenagers, God loves them, Lord be with me.

Just say lots of blessings right now because of the fact that we have teenagers. .

Bruce: Is that like saying, hail mary, hail Mary. Hail Mary. Just kidding.

Kaila: Have mercy teenagers because they have been in school for so long. And some of our kids, our teenagers, like they've done school well and so because they do well in school, they just think like, oh, I'm ready to be an adult.

I've got life all figured out. And how many of us know that there is so much life to be learned once you're done with school? what's not? Life is the biggest lesson of all.

Bruce: That's when life begins though. Right? You know, you're sitting there in school, you're getting equipt, and we're learning all, you know, reading, writing, and arithmetic so that we're equipped for life.

And the reality is the moment you turn 18, 19, 20 is when life actually begins. That's when, you go to college or you move out and live on your own, or you start paying your own bills. Or God forbid you get someone pregnant before they're, you're 25, uh, whatever it might be. There's a lot that's going on.

I only say that cause I had my first kid before 25 and my wife had her first kid before she was 25, and we both have seen how that works out in terms of life and how it changes life and makes you change the human being.

Kaila: And so what I love about this quote is, first of all, even though he says, as leaders must, we must have a personal plan for growth in order to lead our people, we can change that and say, as parents, we must have a personal growth plan in order to lead our children.

and so we are not done growing even though we have more experience than them, we must have a personal plan for growth, even if you think that everything is going well. I mean, think about this, when normally when a woman finds out she's pregnant, the first thing she does is she goes and buys the book What to Expect When You're Expecting, right?

Like, how many mothers right now are raising your hand and saying, I have that book on my bookshelf because it's like the holy grail of this is everything you need to know. When we look up all the parenting books and we look up all the newborn articles and what to buy and what to pack, and how to pack a diaper bag and all these things about babies because maybe you haven't had a baby before.

And so you need to know how to handle babies, and you prep and you plan and you prepare. And then who goes on to buy a book to learn about toddler? Or who then goes on and reads a book about how to parent boys or how to parent girls and what to expect as they hit, pre-teens and puberty, and then the teenage years, and how many people are reading those books when they're still pregnant?

Bruce: So good.

Kaila: We're not, we're not thinking ahead. And so often we tend to react. And so maybe you'll read that parenting book for teenagers when your kid's already a teenager and you're having trouble and you're having a hard time and you're fighting and you're going head to head. And then you'll read the book.

Bruce: And at that point you're playing catch up..

Right? Rather than sit there [Absolutely]. And sit there and play from a point of strength. You're playing catch up to pretty much trying to help your deficiencies or an area that you're deficient in. I mean, I know for us, like we sit there and we have a kid who doesn't obey a teacher at school in kindergarten and it's like, oh man, what do I wanna read now?

Or we have kids who are sitting there pushing the lines of the boundaries and you know, as teenagers and it's like, oh, maybe we should read the boundaries books maybe beforehand next time, before these next kids coming through.

Like maybe we sit there and equip ourselves now before it actually happens that way, we're actually acting at a purpose instead of reacting.

Kaila: And that's what John Maxwell talks about, that intentionality. So to intentionally plan ahead and so to set a plan for growth, not because you have necessarily have a problem that needs to be addressed now,

but be proactive and think about, you know what, how can I grow so that I can be the best potential leader for my children so that I can lead them, because we never have it fully figured out, and we're never going to have it fully figured out, and Lord knows we've said lots of prayers of forgiveness and we've learned the hard way from not preparing or not planning or reacting to a certain situation when I wish that I would've handled that a different way.

I wish I would've given different words, or I wish I would've responded or wouldn't have been angry. Whatever the case may. Lord knows there's extra blessings for first children, firstborns, because we get it wrong with them and then we figure it out later. But why not get ahead of that curve?

Bruce: I agree with that. And over the years we've had our trials and tribulations as parents, and I'd like to sit there and think that as we've gone along, we've not gotten perfect or even great by any means, but we make things happen in a much more fluid way compared to reacting like we did in the past,

Kaila: and we're never going to get it.

And that's what I love that Paul says, you know, in Philippians, he's telling the church, he's giving them this letter and he's giving them advice, but then he stops just to let them know, just to remind them, I don't have it all figured out. I haven't reached perfection and I'm never going. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.

Nope, I haven't figured it out, but I focus on this one thing. We forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead. Press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God through Christ Jesus is calling us. And parents, right now, I'm telling you that if you have a child, whether that child was planned or not, God called you to be a parent.

So whether you planned it or not, God called you to be the parent of that child and he's expecting you to fulfill and to press on and forget your mistakes and forget what type of person you used to be. Forget about all the things you did in the past. Forget about all the hard times, and we just press on and we keep pressing and we keep striving for better because that's what God has called us into, and that's what your kids deserve.

Bruce: Absolutely. When you sit there and look at kids, God has a purpose for every single human being that was born. There's no illegitimate children. There might be illegitimate parents, you know, when we first become a parent, but there are no illegitimate children.

There's a reason why God has put them on this earth. There's a reason why He has sit there and given us them to Stewart as we sit here and live on this earth.

Kaila: And so now that we've talked about the importance of having a growth plan, we've talked about why it's important.

Now I'm gonna give you the practical steps. So I'm about to hop into teacher mode, and I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna give you a kind of a framework or a guide of how to do this. So how do we move forward and how do we grow? Because probably one of the biggest things that prevents us from growing is that we say, I don't know how, like I don't know how to do that.

I know I need to be a better mom. I know I need to control my anger. I know that I need to stop drinking. I know that I need to lose weight. I know I need to spend more time. I know I need to set boundaries. I know I need to learn how to say no. We're aware of these things that we know are a problem, but what we don't know is how to get over them or how to fix them.

And so knowing how is gonna give you some really practical steps to getting started. And then the best part about these steps is that they're like a cycle. You can just repeat them and start over again. And this kind of helps continue us as that lifelong learner that Bruce was mentioning earlier.

So the first step to growth and setting up a growth plan is taking time to reflect. And this is a skill that really takes practice. Some of us may just be born with this natural, reflective spirit, but some of us, it's really hard to take that time and space to reflect on what's happening in our lives. What's going well, what's not going well, and then asking those really in-depth thought-provoking questions like, how do I wish this would turn out?

Where do I wanna see my kids when they graduate? What are my kids learning from me right now? What bad habits are they picking up? And what things do I need to change? What spirit do I see in my kids that I can grow? What spirit in my kids do I have turmoil with, do I conflict with, and how do I turn that around?

So reflection is deep analytical process where we're asking ourselves these questions and maybe there isn't a right or wrong answer, but they're very thought-provoking and it takes us to a world of imagination. And I think that's why it's such a skill that requires practice, because especially as adults, we like tangible things.

We like things we can see, we like things that line up and make sense and you know, here's my plan and here's my schedule and here's my budget. And so to reflect allows us to kind of open up our mind space and say, well, what would happen if I did this? Or where do I want to see my kids? What does reaching my full potential look like as a parent?

And what are my kids capable of? What is reaching their full potential look like?

But once we have that and once we see what we're capable of and we see what our potential, we can vision our own potential for ourselves or the potential for our kids, then we can set steps for, how do I get them there, man, I would love to see my child graduate college. So what is it gonna take to get them there?

Bruce: And when reflecting, I think it's important to be honest and realistic, right? I think there's a big difference between dreaming and reflection. When you're looking at the reflection. It's like, what did I do well in and what do I need to do better?

And I think for us as parents, and not even just parents, but as people in general, there's always things that we can do better. I think the big thing though is when we reflect, I mean, how often did we sit there and only do a half a reflection or a half honest truth reflection about how we are as a person?

Oh, you know, I'm not a bad person. I might sit there and stumble with my curse words, but guess what? I'm still a good person. Are you really being honest there with your reflection of who you are as a human being? Or are you sitting there making an excuse?

Or you wanna know I'm a great human being. I sit there and I tithe, I go to church, I help out people and the poor. But guess what? Every night I go home and I get wasted. Are you really being true with your reflection who you are? And I think the same goes with parenting. You know, it's like, Hey, guess what? I'm doing great in this area. I have kids who are getting straight A's or B's, but guess what?

Meanwhile, little Johnny, I'm not using one of our kids just a random kid is going to the principal's office on a regular basis. Am I really doing a great job parenting or is there something I'm missing out on that I could do better moving forward?

Kaila: Absolutely. Yeah. And I'm gonna steal his word, but I'm gonna let him explain this in a second.

When we have pet sins that we allow to run our lives, sometimes it is important to have that honest moment to say, how are my pet sins going to affect my children and their future. And so can you, this is something that you brought into me and I'd love for you to share. What is a pet sin?

Bruce: Yeah, so had the, the awesome opportunity about two weeks ago when we were in California, sitting down with this gentleman who was 97 years old.

His name is Jack, uh, he's a World War veteran, or, He fought in a war, um, back a long time ago. I'm not, I'm not a, she's laughing at me cuz she's a nerd and I'm not. Uh, but he fought in a war a long time ago, 97. You do the math.

So anyways, this guy, he's like, yeah, he goes, we as human beings have trouble with our pet sins and it sins that we enjoy and that we don't want to give up. It's sins that we are willing to sit there and continue even though we shouldn't continue.

It's one of those ones that's kind of like a little a pet that, hey, I just keep giving into it and I give it into it, and I give it into it. It's something that you allow to happen, even though you know you probably shouldn't because you're being selfish with something that you desire. It's a sinful nature. A desire that we want even though we have no business having it in our life.

Kaila: And so I love that it's called a pet sin because there's two verses I'm gonna drop on you, but the first one is Proverbs 26:11-12. And it says, "as a dog returns to, its. So a fool repeats his foolishness." And if you've ever had a puppy, you know that this is what dogs literally do.

So as gross as that image is, that is so reality. Even, you know, thousands of years ago when this

Bruce: puppies are our six year old, I mean, our six year old returns to his food that's dropped on the ground and the dogs have licked and he puts it back in his mouth. So anyway, sorry to cut you off.

Kaila: So we're just saying, but this idea of pet sins and how gross that is, but " so a fool repeats his foolishness" and so it's like if it's foolish and we shouldn't be doing it, it's the same visual of just like gross, disgusting, like stop going back to that.

But then maybe we're not really aware of it. And so if you're in that process of reflecting and you're like, well I'm not really sure, like do I have a pet sin? Is there something that's getting in the way or is there something that's selfish that's taking away from other time? The best way to figure it out is to spend time with God cuz "search me God and know my heart". Right? Search me God. Reveal that to me. And second Timothy 3:16 says, "All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives".

So the best way to figure out, am I in line with God? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Do I have a pet sin that's taking away from God's will for my life? Well, go spend time with God and get into scripture. Go read his Bible. Go read Proverbs. One of have the habits that Bruce and I when it comes to Bible reading is whatever day it is, that's the proverbs that we read for that day because Proverbs is full of wisdom and advice and hey, this is what you should be doing and this is how you should be living your life. And then we do other Bible studies on the side, or I'm currently reading the Bible through a year, and I did not start in January.

And honestly, it's actually probably taken me a year and a half, but that's okay. Like I am persisting through it and that is all right. But the rest of that verse says, "God's word corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us what to do is right".

So it is so important. We need to be in God's Word. We need to know what God's word says. We need to spend time reading our Bible, and this is the most important skill you can also teach your kids because we can talk about it but how often do you say, oh, do as I say, not as I do.

And since God's word is alive and it holds the power of God, then when your kids read it, we should be teaching our kids how to read the Bible for themselves, because then they're also gonna build that habit of turning to God's Word, and it's gonna have a much bigger impact as if it's coming from us.

And so sometimes you'll hear mesay: well, you know, we don't do this because that's what God says in his word. Not because mom says it's bad to steal or not because Mom says that you shouldn't tell a lie but because God says this is the standards that He holds us to, and this is what He requires of us being followers of Jesus.

And so first thing, open up your Bible. Do some prayer. Reflect on your life, reflect on how do I need to grow? That's the first step. And then the second step is to prepare. So now we're going into the second step. Don't just feel like you have to jump into it. Do your research. Find a resource, whether it's a book or a small group, or a community class.

Again, the biggest thing that prevents people from growing is that they don't know how. So come up with a plan. How are you going to grow? Are you gonna join a small group? Are you going to read a book? Is there something that you're gonna do every single day? And you're gonna start changing habits, or you're gonna do it a little bit at a time?

Like Bruce and I know when we first started our weight loss journey, it really started with changing our eating habits. And then we started exercising. So we kind of tied all together and then, you know, at first it was just cardio and then we started lifting. So you add onto it. So maybe you're gonna set little steps for yourself.

It has to be a tangible, I'm gonna check up on this and one month I can come back and I can say, did I actually do what I said I was going to do?

Bruce: I think when, when putting a plan together too, make sure you put a plan that works well for you biblically based, but works well for you.

Don't be afraid to go outside the box. Don't be afraid to go across a grain. I know for us, as we parent nine kids and we go through and navigate life, I mean, there's a lot of things that work a certain way or work well for families who have two or three kids, maybe four kids. But when you have nine kids, you have to do it differently.

don't be afraid to sit there and go outside the box and do things a little bit differently than what the status quo might be. I know for us, when it comes to preparing, we've often gone, across the grain in terms of how we raise and prepare and reflect with our own kids.

There are things that we do in terms of having our kids play or not play with certain clubs that people are like, you're crazy for doing that, but guess what? We've gone across the grain and it's worked out because we feel it's in the best interest of our kids based on our reflections and going to God and prayed about it.

Kaila: So there's even little funny things that, cuz you know, a family of nine people are always really curious about, I'm just like, how we do life? . Like how do you do life? And one of the things that's really important to us is family time. Would you agree? We value family time.

Bruce: We, we value family time so much that we understand that during the week we don't even have time to sit there and have dinner together.

What, eight days outta seven? Uh, just kidding. Pretty much. Almost every night. It's that busy. Rather than this week, cuz we haven't started sports back up yet for the spring, but we have made a point of it to where we have family breakfasts every single.

Kaila: Exactly, and that's, that's exactly what I was thinking is that, so we have family breakfast because that's pretty much the only time we're all at home and can sit and actually join one another around the table and spend time with one another.

And the nights, as much as we would love to have like that picturesque family dinner and everyone's around the table, that just doesn't happen when we've got practice four nights a week in six different locations, plus games on the weekends and tournaments and kids working and this and that and the other.

Like there's so much going on at night after school that family dinners don't always happen. So we make a point to have family breakfast.

Bruce: And I would say, taking that one step further, another thing that we reflected on was the amount of church that we have missed over the last couple years.

And it's based on traveling for our kids and sports. And you know, while we've thoroughly think churches. Important part or a vital part of people's lives, it's one of those things that we kind of have not avoided, but we haven't been able to go every week just due the fact that our kids schedule is so busy.

And so what we did, you know, over summertime was, Hey, let's look at churches that offer us Sunday night service. We happen to have one church in the area that offers it. It happens to be a church that we have fallen in love with and absolutely adore. But the main reason why we did it, or the two things that we looked at, When is our youth group?

It's Sunday nights. They have Sunday night gatherings that allow our kids who play sports during the week go to youth group every single week. And on top of that, it allows us to go to church as a family more times than not do the fact that they have a Sunday night service.

Kaila: So again, figure out what you need to do for your family.

Do your research, come up with your plan. Set a measurable goal that you're going to be able to check in with yourself. I think that's the other part of New Year's evolutions and why they don't work and why people give up. It's because they look at it as this year long thing, and so when they don't meet it or they fall at the wagon, they're just like, oh, well I guess I'm done until next year.

In one month, check up on it or in three months, check up on it and then see how it's going. But we're missing a step in the cycle cuz we reflected, we prepared. So there's the action part of it.

We actually have to do it . So once we come up with the plan, once we get all the resources, we actually have to do it. And you have to stay committed. And I think this is the biggest part, is really just commit. Even through your mistakes. Even through your hiccups, even through your bad days. Even through a cheat day.

Even through a day where you said you weren't gonna do it, and then you did it again. And the devil wants to tell you all the lies about how, "see, you did that thing that you said you weren't gonna do and you haven't changed," you have to keep doing it. We have to stay committ and we have to show ourself grace.

So action comes with grace because mistakes happen. And how many of you have heard: you learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are proof that growth is happening, that we're actually trying, that we're putting ourselves out there, that we're putting ourselves on the line, that we're trying something new and we're growing.

Mistakes are proof we're growing, they're going to happen. So you just have to show yourself grace through that time and you have to stay committed to your goal.

And so again, just to wrap up, after you do it for a little while, go back and reflect again and taking that reflection. What's going well, what's not, if something's not going well, Then go back to your research. Go back to your preparation. What do you need to do? So that, okay, my first plan didn't. How can I change it to make my better? Or was your goal unrealistic? And maybe you need to change your goal.

You know what? We're doing good and we're growing in this way, but maybe that's not really the goal. Maybe you realize that you thought that was the goal. You thought that's what you wanted to grow, or that's what you wanted to change. But then as you start this process, you realize, oh, what I really need to grow in is this other area, this is what I need to work on, because it's revealed to you as you start the process.

Bruce: I think more times than not, the first area that we grow in is not really the area that we need the most growth in. It's kinda like that tip of the iceberg. We sit there and think we need to lose weight.

Well, the reality is maybe God's just using that losing weight as the gateway into the area, which he's really trying to get. And I think that's something for her and I that we've seen over the course of this last year. It's like every time we sit there and say, Hey, okay, we're, we're gonna surrender.

We were made to surrender. We are surrendering in this area. And we're like, cool. It's going well. And then it's like, uhoh, actually, I want you to surrender in this area too. And then we sit there and we go and we surrendering that area and then it's like, actually that's not what I was looking for. I want you to surrender in this area as well and in this area as well.

And before you know it, it's like you're all over the place on this journey that you could never even expect to happen or a journey that you've never can even dream of. You're sitting there and going through and living it. And that's kind of where we're at right now.

Kaila: And so that's how we do it. And I just want to tie this all back into parenting because as you go through this process, this is a process that we all need to practice, we need to develop, we need to do over and over to strengthen those muscle.

But when we do this and when we can become really good and efficient at this, we help our children grow because then we can walk them through that process. And sometimes I think that it's easy to say, oh, I can't wait for my kids to just mature out of this stage. Or, oh, this, this is just a phase of life.

I hate this phase. I hate the toddler stage. Right? We can put it to chance and say, oh, I can't wait for my kids to grow out of it. And we just figure, oh they'll figure it out. Or time will go by. And time is the magic ingredient for our kids growing into better human beings.

And the reality is, good kids don't just happen. And so we need to sew these seeds. And again, we need to prepare ourselves so that we can help our kids grow through each season. Because here's a really important news flash in case anyone's ever told you that you're raising kids, they lied to you. None of us are raising kids.

You are raising adults. And so with everything we do to help ourselves grow and reach our full potential, it is to give that to our children and help them grow, help them learn how to reflect, help them set goals so that they can be better, more efficient adults.

Bruce: And so, real quick, not to cut you off if you can't tell, if you were to step into both of our classes, say you're in a block scheduled school and you have 90 minutes, she's a teacher who would go teach for an hour and 28 minutes and give you homework.

I'm the teacher who will sit here and teach for 15/20 and let you do your homework in class and give you the Cliff Notes version. So real quick, as we take this marathon and we wrap it up, I know you have a quick, cute story about our finfin that you'd like to tell us. Go ahead and tell us that and let's get this thing going.

Kaila: I wasn't even, actually, I was gonna skip the story. It's amazing

Bruce: story because there's actually been two great stories about Finn. She's gonna say the first one cause I really don't even remember all of it, cuz I'm ADHD but I'm gonna add something to it cause I do kind of know what she's gonna talk about.

So go ahead.

Kaila: Okay. So I got a text from another teacher, mom, parent at the campus that we work at, and she was apologizing for something that had happened between our girls and I honestly had no idea what she was talking about. . I was like, I didn't hear anything about it. But what had happened was the other girl had brought her phone to school and as a result, didn't want to get in trouble cuz she was afraid she was gonna get caught.

And there was this whole kind of scheme she was trying to bribe Finn I'll give you $5 if you just say it was yours cuz your, your mom won't care. But I'm gonna get grounded, and, you know, all the things that we work up in our head. But I was really proud of my daughter because she stood up for what was right.

She said, no, that's not the right thing to do. Just say it's yours. And she ended up telling the teacher, hey, this is what's going on. You know, she's in the bathroom freaking out trying to hide her phone, doing whatever. and so that other mom had really appreciated her integrity and it kind of just goes back to what I was saying, like good kids don't just happen.

And my daughter is not perfect by any means, but that's taken years of us instilling in her, you know what, we don't lie when we do something wrong because we make mistakes and it's better to just admit it so that we can move on from it.

Bruce: Absolutely. I just wanna give her a shout out. On a separate note, we're sitting here in the middle of starting the next like little venture of our growing Paynes with our little paynes.

And today she was awesome in terms of helping us out. Her and Wooden both, but her in particular in terms of just starting the next phase of what we're gonna be launching, coming up. And so I wanna give her a shout out. She's a great kid with a big heart who loves Jesus. And it's not by accident, it's because of the different things and opportunities that we've placed in her life.

Kaila: And so to wrap all this up, I'm gonna leave you with a word of encouragement. It's Philippians 1:6 "I am certain that God who began the good work within you will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." So please do not give up on your goals. You are worth so much potential and growth cuz Jesus loves you.

He loves you so much that he accepts you as you are, but he loves you way too much to leave you that way. And so he wants you to grow. He wants you to grow in his likeness and image and in his love and under his grace and his mercy. And the best way to do that is through his scripture and his word. But if you are finding yourself coming up short and you really want some extra help and you maybe want to schedule a meeting with Bruce or I, we would love to sit down and come up with that growth plan with you, help you reflect, talk about areas that you could potentially grow and those actionable next steps.

So if you don't know how to grow and you're like, yeah. Sounds great, but I'm really still not sure of what that looks like on paper. Reach out to Bruce and I our emails in the show notes. You can also go to growingpaynes.org. That's our website that's also linked down in the show notes. And just reach out to us cuz we would love to connect with you and support you as a parent.

That's what we feel God has put on our hearts is reaching out and supporting parents through God's Word.

Bruce: And that is the bell ringing as you just put your whole 90 minutes. Professor Payne , I'm gonna actually let you finish with a order of prayer too.

Kaila: Go ahead. You're gonna, I did all the talking and you're gonna make me pray.

Bruce: I'm sitting here trying to get the bells, the ring so that it sounded like a classroom bell ring at the end of 90 minutes as I'm sitting here like twitching. Um, so anyways, yeah. You know what I am. You're, you're glowing right now. You look so beautiful. I think you should pray.

Kaila: Dear Father God, thank you for this time.

Thank you for giving me the words to speak, and I just pray that they touched somebody's heart today. Even if it's one person, God, you know that one person and you know who this message was for. I pray that you just continue to plant that seed in our heart, that yearns for you, that yearns for your word, and gives us that want to grow towards you.

That desire for your word in our lives so that we can grow to reach our full potential, but so that we can use those gifts to help our children grow and reach their full potential. Thank you, God, for loving us and being a wonderful God. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Bruce: Amen. I hope you guys have a blessed week.