005: Christmas Edition
-Transcript-
Kaila:
Hello there and welcome to episode five of our Unshackled Love podcast. My name is Kaila Payne, and I'm sitting across from my wonderful, super sexy, handsome love of my life, best friend Bruce Payne.
Bruce:
That was so many objectives, I'm sitting here right now and it brings me back to my childhood.
I'm sitting in class now like Mr. Bruce Payne. You are such a wonderful, talented, gifted, no, I'm just kidding. They never said that. When I was a kid, I was a hellan on wheels. I sat there and made my teacher's days a lot of fun.
Kaila:
Well, usually you do the intros and you say all those nice things about me, so I had to make sure that I outdid you this time.
Bruce:
I think you did. That was a very good gift you just gave me, making me feel good about myself, so thank you.
Kaila:
Oh, well I love you. Um, Bruce and I, in case you are just joining us, we are two teachers in the greater Austin area and we have the privilege of parenting nine, beautiful, wonderful, but also crazy children.
Bruce:
I'm glad she's able to sit there and say, beautiful, wonderful, yet crazy children. Especially since you spent the last seven days straight home with them. I mean, that's pretty good for you still to say that.
Kaila:
Yeah. I mean, it's all, we're gonna talk about it in today's episode, but it's the good, the bad, and the ugly.
But honestly, lots of blessings have come out of it, and so I think that that's what Bruce and I are most excited to talk to you about today. Our podcast is gonna be a little bit different as we've gone through this holiday season over the past couple weeks. We really just wanna share with you how God has been speaking to our hearts differently this holiday season.
Bruce:
Most definitely, and I think for the holiday season or Christmas season in particular, it means a lot of different things. You know, it, it could be gift giving, it could be Jesus being born. There's a lot of different ways to go about it, especially in the secular world that we live in, but also within churches that we go to or within Christianity itself.
And so today we're gonna sit there and unwrap it in terms of how God has brought it to our hearts, especially like the last month or so. And so diving into his word, I just looking at what the holiday season means to us this year. I would say it's the word redemption or as a season of redemption or jesus being bored is the ultimate redemption story. Right?
And so, you know, as we sit here and talk about it, I think it's important to kinda listen or think about it or ponder about it from that lens. Like what does it mean? And for us, as I just mentioned, it's redemption. And so, if you look back, a couple thousand years ago when Jesus was born there was a lot of stuff going on at that point in time in both Mary and Joseph's life.
If you go back prior to that, back into Isaiah chapter seven, it talks about a child being born, to a virgin, and it kind of sets up the story of what's to come in the future. It's amazing to me as somebody who's not a great student per se, but I'm able to sit here and read in Isaiah chapter seven, verse 14, when it sits there and it talks about,
"Alright then, the Lord himself will give you the sign. Look, the virgin will conceive a child. She will give birth to a son and will call him Emmanuel."
I don't have to be a good student to sit there and say on many different levels, this is kind of crazy. First off, Virgin having a kid. As I sit there and teach my own kids about this last week, about what it means to have a baby or going through that process of giving birth, it takes a man and a woman to sit there and conceive a child. I mean, I don't have to be a great student to understand that that's what it takes to have a kid. Number two, it was said thousands of years ago that this was gonna happen and then it actually happened.
Right? You don't have to sit there and be a Christian to sit there and realize that's what we're celebrating during this Christmas season. I was just joking with our little kids. When I say little, my high schooler, 14 years old and 16 years old, and I was like, how funny is it that the holiday in which the most money is spent is the holiday that we sit there and celebrate Jesus Christ's birth for a country who's running away from him as fast as they possibly can.
They're spending the most money on his birthday. It's entertaining to me. Like the last seven days, as I mentioned, we're teachers. I've literally gone to the store every single day just to watch people. Like I walk around, I'll buy $20 of the groceries, I'll go buy a final shirt for my kid, maybe a hat, whatever it might be.
Every day I go and I'll go again tomorrow on Christmas Eve. My wife will not go with me cuz she's, it drives her nuts that there's that much traffic.
Kaila:
Heck no, I won't go!
Bruce:
But I will, I will gladly and I will have a couple crazy kids hop in there and we will go have fun buying one or two things. And so as we sit here and talk about redemption, all of us in life at some time in our life are in need of our own redemption story.
And for us, it looks differently. You know what I mean? You know, some people right now are going through financial difficulties. Maybe their marriage is on the rocks or they've been served papers. Maybe their health is failing, whatever it might be, they're in need of God stepping into the plate and redeeming them.
And I look at our marriage and I look at where we've come. And just to kind of go back into a story that we've kind of told in the past, but maybe not fully, is over six and a half years ago, we were sitting there at a time in life where I was waiting to have back surgery. I just had hand surgery and, and our money had run out and pretty much gone bankrupt and living with my parents.
I don't even know how many kids we had, 5, 6, 4, 7 at that point in time. We had quite a bit with another one on the way, and we're sitting there just lost. We're sitting there with no hope, not sure what to do, and I'm sitting there at the end of the bed and I hear an audible voice that says, You guys will move to Texas or you guys should move to Texas.
And I looked at my wife and I said, what do you mean we should move to Texas? And I go, was that you? And she's like, no, I didn't say anything. I go, somebody just said we should move to Texas. And you know, 30 seconds later, not even 30 seconds later, I get told Texas will be good for you. And I said, did you say anything?
She's like, no, what's going on? And I said, man, I just started crying and I said, I just got told Texas will be good for us. So not only you gotta move to Texas, Texas will be good for you. A little bit more backed up on that story. Within a couple years right before that or prior to that, my ex-wife had tried to move to Texas and I told the judge, there's no way in hell I will ever go and sorry for using that word, but there's no way in hell I will ever move to Texas.
Prior to that, my daughter, who's 16, when my ex-wife was nine months pregnant with her, I had moved to Round Rock area and I went home a day early and said, Nope, I can never move to Texas. Yet here I am being told by God, you are gonna move to Texas. For somebody like me who likes the beach, for someone like me who's a SoCal kid, as I sit here and wear my vans and skinny jeans, I guess you could sit there and say, going to Texas where it was flat with no ocean.
Oh, there's ocean, but not where we're at and it's a different color of water than what we're used to. It was just different. And I was like, I can't do it. And so when I decided 15, 16 years ago not to move here, I couldn't do, the people were nice. Barbecue was good, but it was flat. It was absolutely flat and there was a lot of desert and it wasn't what I thought it would be and I never thought I'd go.
But it's funny how. At that point in time when I was in a time of desperation, or we were in a time of desperation, my heart changed, like only God can change it. I don't know why at that point in time God wanted me in Texas, but it took me and my wife, and my wife and I going through all these different events and our short term marriage at that point in time in order to get us to Texas.
Right? Like, if it would've been the normal day and things are going well, do you think I'd, you know, would we ever moved here at that point in.
Kaila:
No, absolutely not. There would been absolutely no...
Bruce:
absolutely not
Kaila:
...reason for us to move from beautiful Southern California where we are both from born and raised and we have family there.
Like there would've been no reason for us to leave.
Bruce:
I even remember the day that we left. I remember it was like 4 30, 5 o'clock in the morning, and as we drove off, I'm crying as we go to the gas station, like, what am I doing? Part of it was cause I was scared. But the reality is we were at a time in life where we were all in for God in terms of his plan for us.
I mean, we didn't have a lot of other places to turn and when he sat there and told us what to do, we actually sat there and listened. And so, you know, I look at the correlation between that and I look at Mary and Joseph, right? You have, you have Mary, who's a young kid when, when she gets pregnant or told she's pregnant.
At that point she had never had sex. She was a virgin. And she's probably like, uh, you know, God, I don't know if I wanna do this. I mean, if it was me, I'd probably to give the deuces and like, I'm outta here. This is kind of crazy. I mean, you're asking me to do something like move to Texas. Why would I ever wanna sit here and listen and do that?
But guess what? She was obedient. And then you sit there and look at the other side and you have homeboy Joseph, who's sitting there, all excited, has his hot, sexy fiance, kinda like my hot, gorgeous, beautiful wife across from me. And he is like, yeah, man, I have a good life. I'm gonna get married and we're gonna have kids and whatever I'm, and then all of a sudden he's told, Hey, your girl's pregnant.
And I know how I would've responded. I wouldn't have been too happy. I can tell you that just like I think most people in this world, they found out their spouse or, or someone that they loved was having an affair and or got pregnant by somebody that wasn't them. I don't think most people would respond very well, right.
And the crazy part is when this initially happened, it talks about it in the Bible, in the new testament that he was gonna sit there and go quietly about it. Not only was he a good enough man not to sit there and put her on blast and put her on Twitter or Facebook, whatever it might be, or announce it at a holiday party.
He was sitting there willing to sit there and say, Hey, you wanna know what I'm gonna go by the quietly I have enough Jesus in me to go by the quietly. And then on top of that, right, he goes and he has a dream and he gets told that, hey, it was an immaculate conception. And so not only now is he faced with, I'm not gonna do it quietly, I'm gonna stay with her because God told me to.
The Holy Spirit came to me and said, Hey homeboy, I'm telling you what to do and your life's gonna be very good. And not only are you gonna sit there and have to trust me that she was impregnated by me and not another man, and that she's never had sex with anyone, you're gonna also have to play dodge ball, as in people are throwing balls at you in terms of Herod or whoever might be trying to kill your kid.
As you can sit there and go through that, and they're throwing these dodge balls at him everywhere he goes. And so he's having to sit there and move different places in order to keep his wife and now newborn kids safe.
Having a kid who's born in the manger, right? Like you're born in crap, with a wife who you love, who's a kid, laying crap. And as a result, you're like, yes, let's do it. Kind of like us going to Texas, right? And so we didn't know the plan for going to Texas. God had this plan. Jesus and Mary sat there and didn't know exactly what was going on back then, but they knew God had a plan and they were willing to sit there and be obedient.
Right? And so as I sit there and look at going back to us it was being obedient to the point of letting God allow our redemption season to start. If we didn't sit there and let God in at that point in time, or we didn't say yes, we wouldn't be where we're at. Like God knew it back then. Right?
And so at that point, by us saying yes and being obedient, we were able to start having our finances redeemed. Our marriage was starting to be redeemed. Our relationship with other people around us was being redeemed. Our health, my health, going from walking with a cane for over nine months was redeemed.
All kinds of things that only God could do, he did. And the same is true when Jesus was born, right when Jesus was born, the redemption for all of our sin was taken away. We were redeemed from everything that we've ever done that has gone against what God has asked us to do, AKA sin. We were redeemed.
We were redeemed so that we did not have to die on the cross. And as a result of Jesus being born, he ended up ultimately, not only did he come in through crap, he died on the cross, hanging on a tree for you and I so that we didn't have to. So when you sit there and you look at this holiday season, it's a time of redemption.
I mean, we know a lot of people right now whose health is failing, who are choosing to believe we know people, right. Whose marriages are on the rocks, or even to the point of almost over and they're choosing to believe. And the reality is God is present in all of our situations, good, bad, and ugly.
The reality is, are you gonna let him redeem you? The reality is, are you willing to sit there and listen to him during these difficult times? When it would be so much easier. I know for me, I just had this conversation with my high school kids. When I went through my divorce, it was easier for me to sit there and drink my pain away than it was to sit there and face it.
It was easier for me to sit there on the nights. I didn't have my kids, and when I was so lonely and I didn't want to be by myself to sit there and drink myself to sleep, so I didn't have to feel the pain. And I'd wake up at two o'clock in the morning every day like clockwork and open up Proverbs.
The reality is I probably should just open Proverbs in the start when I went to bed, rather than sit there and do it at two o'clock in the morning when Guy was gonna wake me up. either way, right? I mean, I could have at least had a good night's sleep, going to bed having been filled by the Holy Spirit or by God at that point in time.
Instead, I went to bed, passed out almost, and then woke up anyways, and then had a crappy night's sleep. So, I mean, I should have just done it his way from the start. But that's most of us, it's easier, so much easier to sit there and go against what it is he's asking us to do, especially if it doesn't sit there and feel good to us or if it doesn't look appetizing to us.
Okay. And so, I think the other part of this holiday season, which is standard and we talk about is giving, and we talk about giving in terms of presents. Quite often people spend all this money but the reality is that's not what God's asking us to give during this holiday season.
We sit here with our kids and I'll have my wife talk about it in a minute, but we sit here and we have the opportunity to make an impact and plant seeds in people's life by the giving of the tools that God has blessed us with.
By giving the talents that he has gifted us with. I can sit there and say, Hey, I'm gonna go bake for people. But the reality is you're not gonna want to eat my cookies because I don't know, like I look at the cookie and it looks soft still, but it's really burnt on the bottom. And my wife looks at me and says, Hey honey, I'm not gonna eat that stuff. I'm like, why? She's like, cuz it's burnt. And I'm like, that's why you should be in here helping. And I'll let her talk a little bit bit more about that right now. Go ahead, hon.
Kaila:
Well, it was just funny because.
Bruce:
"No, I don't wanna cook." That's what she told me. It was one Sunday. We're sitting there, I'm like, my wife is the best cook I've ever met.
She can cook with eyes closed. Eyes open, one eye open, one eye closed, both hands and she's like, no, I just wanna put my feet up.
Kaila:
I did. I am guilty. So it was our first weekend off and I was so excited to, you know, as a teacher you, that's one of the perks. You get two weeks off and it was the first Sunday of break and I was looking forward to just starting to relax and kick my feet up and I was gonna crochet.
And so when after church, I get asked, oh, how about we bake up two batches of brownies and four dozen cookies and make peanut butter balls? I was like, no, that does not sound relaxing.
Bruce:
And in our house, we are University of Michigan fans, so they are definitely not the B word. B U C k E Y E S's, they are actually peanut butterballs.
So go ahead.
Kaila:
Correct. Yes. You make sure you have the right terminology there. Um, so it was, I was, I will admit, I was being totally selfish. And,
Bruce:
uh, then she saw how the fudge turned out and then she decided to hop in. That's a joke. One of our daughters, who's a phenomenal athlete, made the fudge and it turned out in the trashcan.
But anyways.
Kaila:
Well, I don't know which was worse, the fudge or the rice crispy treats that...
Bruce:
those are Mine!
Kaila:
...didn't get taken off the stove.
Bruce:
Wait, wait, I didn't know that rice crispy treats could burn when you're sitting there putting butter in a pan. She goes, all you gotta do is put the rice crispy treats in there and add butter.
And I'm doing that and I'm like, this is wonderful. It's all mixy and she's. I can smell it burning and I'm like, what are you talking about right now? You never told me they could burn. You said mix them and add in more confection and sugar, whatever you asked me to add in or marshmallows. And I'm like, what's going on?
Kaila:
It's okay. It turned into a delicious rice, crispy, brittle honey. It was a hit. It was a crispy treat.
Bruce:
Yeah, it a hit in my face. I was getting hit by a baseball.
Kaila:
Anyways, after we made all of our treats, we put it in bags and we stuff stockings and we decided to deliver these to friends and family and neighbors and you know, it really brought so much joy seeing the kids be excited to deliver 'em.
And then even just seeing the faces of the people. There were some old neighbors. That we made a stop to, and just to see their faces light up that we had gone out of our way to bring them a special treat. It really just melts your heart, and I think that that's the biggest part of the giving season, it's the giving.
Because when you give, you're so blessed. You're blessed beyond what you could ever receive. It changes your heart, it changes your attitude. And I was grateful that I stepped in, not only because I saved the day with the treats, so did there were actual edible things to hand out , but to to give that blessing to other people and
I think that that's what we've really been focusing on a lot this season, is just that giving and that, you know what God gave us his son, and so we're gonna give back to people and we're gonna share. He loved us so much that he gave us his love in the form of Jesus. And so let's just love on other people.
And we've been modeling that for our kids and we've been talking a lot about it. We've made two holiday treat trips now. And on top of that, last night we took some dinner over to a friend's house and our eight year old daughter noticed that the playroom was kind of messy as it should be.
It's a playroom, you go play in it. And she just decided, you know what, we're gonna clean up this playroom for our friends. And it was so, so sweet because we had been cleaning our house that day. We were getting for family to come over. And so she had told this woman whose house it was, she said, oh yeah, I'm a professional.
I've been cleaning the last 24 hours. And I just thought, you know, she took it upon herself. She felt empowered. She put her younger siblings to work. She told them what to do. She gave them all jobs. And within like half an hour, they had the whole playroom cleaned up, organized. She had even repurposed like an old shoebox for the baby's socks,
I mean, she was like, well, she just, she didn't even just clean it. She went above and beyond and was like organizing but,
Bruce:
but it is right, is so blown away
during this holiday season. It's not about giving gifts. I mean, the number one thing I remember as a kid, or even I'm gonna say kid, high school kid, even into college and when I became a parent, my dad said, The number one gift you can give your kids is time.
The number one gift that they want is your time. They don't want your finances. They don't want your gifts. They want you to be there, and they want you to be present. They wanna know that you're interested in them, that you love them for who they are, that that's what they want, right?
And so, yeah, absolutely. And I think the same thing goes for, for people in our lives, right? Like the fact that we sit there and take the time to be with people. I mean, we bring cookies that cost us 50 cents to make, but the, the reaction we get back is worth a thousand fold. It's worth way more than 50 cents. And it's because they know it came from our heart and we're sitting there giving our time.
And if you look at most of the areas that we're lacking in this day and age, just personal relationships. I mean, people have gotten on the phones or people have gotten social media and it's not living real life anymore. In terms of communication face-to-face. If you were looking at a lot of marriages, that are struggling right now, I'd say a lot of 'em that are aren't struggling or are on the rocks, wherever you wanna call it, is because there's not enough communication or time being given to their spouse doing what their spouse wants to do.
I think the same thing with kids and rough relationships, including us. I mean, we're going through it right now with one of our kids, is time, you know, you have to give adequate time. And so, I mean, tie it all up and that those are both. Other podcast that we can talk about. But to tie this up during this holiday season, what areas of your life do you need to be redeemed in?
What areas of your life do you need God to redeem you? Like only he can redeem you. And as we close up, I have an awesome story just in terms of redemption. It's probably one of my favorite stories I've heard. I'm in a bible study with a group of, of gentlemen who are just awesome guys. Seasoned guys that have a lot of wisdom.
I love hopping on just to hear their stories a little bit and just what they're going through. And we're talking about the holidays and this one guy in particular happens to look like Santa Claus. Like he resembles Santa Claus just in terms of, I mean, I have a beard, but his beard's way better than mine.
And it's fluffy and it's white. And I'm like, man. And then his, the glasses he wears, I'm like, man, this is kind of, he's kinda like Santa Claus not thinking much of it. His, his coffee mug. It's the holiday seasons. It's just after Thanksgiving and right around Thanksgiving it has Santa Claus on it. I'm like it just a lot of Santa Claus coincidences going on.
And I'm like, okay. And so one day he hops on and someone asked him about Santa. And he goes, actually, when I was younger, like my teen, either late teens or early twenties, he goes, I hated Christmas. I wasn't a fan. And somebody asked why? And he goes, well, my dad took the money from my siblings and i's bank accounts spending on Christmas and ended up committing suicide in January of that year.
okay. Spent all the kids money and then committed suicide. And he goes, I didn't like Christmas at that point in time. And here we are some 40 years later, give or take. And what does he do during the holiday season? He is Santa Claus for kids all throughout the holiday season. He actually dresses up in his suit and goes to parties.
And when he is there, little did he know that 40 years ago that that season of life that he so much did not like, and that was so painful. God has redeemed it for God's kingdom like only God. Now my buddy goes to holiday parties and every kid that comes and sits on his lap, Hey, guess what? You know I'm here, I'm Santa.
But the real reason for the holiday is Jesus. And Jesus loves you. How funny is it that now 40 years later, not even funny, how awesome is it that 40 years later, he's able to sit there and tell the love of Jesus or about the love of Jesus? During the holiday season, even though he was so hurt by it 40 years ago.
Right. And that, that's redemption and it's finest. I mean, like I said, I look at us 6, 7, 8 years ago, walking with a cane. Here I am able to run around with my kids now, my marriage to my gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, wonderful wife. We're going on 10 years in the next week or so. I mean, we're only where we're at because.
I mean, if you will go through the story of us when we first got married and what we've endured. Holy moly. Only by the grace of God are we redeemed and where we're at in our marriage. And I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else. I mean, look at our finances, look at our health, look at our jobs, look at everything else we're going through.
I mean, we didn't wanna sit there and go to Texas and we did, and we still fight it often, but God's like, this is where I want you for whatever reason right now as we sit here and launch this and do some other stuff as well. And so you know, what areas of your life are Texas or is Texas, what areas of your life are you sitting there needing to say yes to God?
What areas of your life are you sitting there needing to give in and give up? And by give up, I just mean give it up to God, right? It's so easy to sit there and say, no, cause we don't like something cuz it's not appeasing to us. But we need to sit there and give to him so that it can become a redemption story.
Just like my buddies or just like my marriage with my wife and where we're at now and during this holiday season, just like John 3:16 for Gods who love the world that he gave his only son. What can we give to other people? What can you sit there and give to other people that they're lacking?
Is it time? Is it baking? Is it cooking? Is it cleaning? Whatever it might be, go ahead and give it. And just because Christmas is in two days, does it mean you need to sit there and have it done within the next two days, but in the next week, what can you sit there and go give to other people?
Kaila:
Sometimes around the holiday season. If you've experienced that trauma in your life before then it can be really hard to come into this season, and it can be hard to want to give. Like to be in that place, to have that capacity to even want to share with other people or to value your gifts or the gifts that you have, or to think of others.
And so when Bruce and I share with you a little bit of our story, and maybe you are struggling, I think that's the biggest thing. You've just gotta get back to God. And remember the gift that he gave to you and that gift was Jesus, and he didn't send Jesus in vain. He sent Jesus because Jesus lived a perfect life and then died on the cross an undeserving death so that you and me could be made right with God.
And because God gives us that gift of Jesus, that means we have access to His power and the power of the Holy Spirit. And then God is gonna work all things together for the good. So even if it seems like a difficult time right now, you can always remember that God's using this and God's going to redeem your story.
And sometimes he takes us to the bottom of the pit because that's the only place that we can look up and say, yes, God, I need you. Like we mentioned earlier, we would've never have moved from California had we not been to a place where God really brought us to our knees and we had no other option but to listen to him and follow him.
And so this Christmas season, if you are just struggling to find joy, I encourage you to connect with God. Get back into your Bible. Read the story of Jesus' birth and just remember that you are loved and that God loves you so much and whatever you're going through, he's right there going through it with you.
And so you've got this.
Bruce:
Just wanna wish you guys a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.
Kaila:
Take care.