Life’s Lessons
“To learn, you must love discipline;
it is stupid to hate correction.”
Proverbs 12:1
Early on in our marriage, my husband used to accuse me of being pessimistic, always pointing out the negative in things. A prime example of this is when it came to my cooking and dinner time. My husband, like his father, is a creature of habit. He has his staples, knows what he likes, and can have those meals on repeat every day of the week.
Me? Not so much.
Not only do I like to try new things and new recipes, but I also like to look at how I change up an old recipe and think about what I would/could do differently the next time I make it.
What I didn’t realize was that, in the midst of my reflection, I would often fail to accept my husband’s compliments. Instead, I was offering up the things I plan on doing differently next time, to which he would respond, “It’s good! There’s no need to change it.” It’s easy to see now how he interpreted my reflection as pessimism in the midst of neglecting his compliments. To me, it’s not that I didn’t think it was bad, I just like to look for ways to improve, change, and grow.
And I don’t just do this with cooking… I do this internal reflection in most areas of my life.
I’m not sure if it is just how God designed me, or if this pattern of internal reflection stemmed from years of self-doubt and insecurities, but I have this innate desire to always strive for more, knowing that there is always room for improvement. It’s hard for me to settle and rest on the idea of being just good enough, because I don’t think there is such a thing as “good enough”. It’s not that I’m a negative person, intentionally looking for the bad in things. I just simply like to reflect on ways to grow.
In fact, reflection is one of the key components to successful growth and development. There is a saying that goes, “Life is the hardest teacher because the test comes before the lesson.” But for some, there are multiple tests before the lesson is actually learned. I can think of countless times I have looked at my children and exclaimed,
“When are you going to learn your lesson?!”
The reality is, the lesson doesn’t come until deep reflection has been made. You can’t grow until you reflect on what’s keeping you from growing in the first place.
For me, this comes naturally. But for some, you might be wondering where to start. So, let me share with you the secret sauce to having really good reflections and launching your growth:
Ask really good questions.
What went well?
What didn’t go well?
How would I have liked that situation to go?
What could I have done differently to get the outcome I wanted?
What can I do differently next time?
How would I have responded if it were me?
What resources are there out there to help me with this?
What does the Bible say about it?
Have I prayed about this?
The better we can become at self-regulating and reflecting, the more we can help our children to walk through this process as well. When we ask them really good questions, eventually they will start to ask themselves these questions on their own. Through the use of good questions, we deepen our ability to identify areas of growth which will help us to reach our full potential.
Reflecting during quiet time is good, but the most powerful reflection actually happens when we write it out. There has been so much research on the brain that shows our neural pathways are actually strengthened when we put pen to paper and write it out. Writing things out is found beneficial for note taking and learning, remembering things (like a to-do list), as well as helping regulate emotions.
If you don’t already have one, I suggest buying a notebook small enough to carry with you. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy. Mine cost $5 and came in a three pack. It is small enough that it fits easily inside of my bible casen as well as my purse, so I always have one available.
So, go spend the 60 cents to buy yourself a composition notebook and get started!
Remember, reflecting isn’t just about pointing out all the bad things that went wrong, it’s about recognizing areas of growth in order to move forward and “pass the test” of life.
To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.”
(Proverbs 12:1)