009: Running on FUmes

-Transcript-

Bruce: Welcome to episode nine of our Unshackled Love podcast. I am Bruce Payne sitting here with my beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, absolutely stunningly amazing wife,

Kaila: Kaila Payne.

Bruce: And for those of you who heard John Bevere at church today, I think I only used a fraction of the adjectives that he used when describing God as he finished his prayer.

 But that's actually how I feel about my wife. She's an awesome person. I can't ask for a better human being to be next to me as my partner in doing it.

Kaila: So for those of you who are just joining us, Bruce and I are both teachers in the greater Austin area, and what sets us apart is that we have the privilege of raising nine beautiful, wonderful, mostly crazy children. Our oldest is a senior in high [00:01:00] school and our youngest is in kindergarten. So we have every age in between and we get to do all the fun things.

Bruce: Yes, ma'am, we do. And in coming with nine kids, people always say, how do you do it? And the reality is it takes a village, as we've talked about, and we'll probably talk more, a lot more going forward in podcasts, but it does our schedule.

If you were to look at, you know, my wife is one of those type A personalities. She likes to put everything in a box, label it, and have it perfectly in terms of how things are supposed to run , from what color our kids' jerseys are on the schedule, to what time they need to be there, to what time the actual game starts.

But all that aside, if you're look at our schedule from the time that we wake up, which is anywhere from 5:30 to 6:00 until the time we get home, which is typically around 9:00, 9:30 at night, there is something on the calendar or our schedule that takes up our times.

Kaila: Yeah. Even besides soccer, I mean the fact that we're both teachers, so I think organizing and keeping track of faculty meetings and professional development days, and then you [00:02:00] have, we have kids

Bruce: what is professional development? I'm just kidding. Here in Texas. Those of you, we have a lot of friends back in California. You know, school starts, you go back to your classroom for a day and the kids come. Here In Texas, we get all these days where it's like professional development, which is like, oh my goodness.

I'm like, professional sleep. I can't sleep though. I actually have to do work. But anyway, sorry to cut you off.

Kaila: So then trying to keep track of kids. Our older ones, they have jobs, they're in theater, they're part of school clubs and academics, and then there's all the other school events, and then there's church and there's fitting in small groups and women's groups and Bible studies and Serve Saturday, and there's all these things.

And then not to mention, you know, we're out of town at least two weekends a month because our kids are traveling and they just play competitive soccer to where they're gonna be at any given city in the state of Texas.

Bruce: Yeah, I mean, this week [00:03:00] alone, yesterday morning we woke up, we left the house about 6:45, got into the Woodlands area, which is right next to Houston.

Went from Houston in the game all the way to Waco. Went and watched the game of Waco, came home. This morning, we woke up, went to church. my gorgeous wife then ended up in San Antonio for a kids game, and I was in Austin for two more games. And then also we met back up about four 15 and then came back home, put the kids, gave 'em dinner, gave 'em a shower, put 'em to bed, and here we are doing a podcast now.

Kaila: Right. And so if you're tired just listening to that , because I think that's what most people say is, I get tired just listening to your guys' schedule. I don't know how you do it. And that's definitely a common theme, but you know, it definitely takes a lot out of us. It is tiring and it is exhausting.

And maybe you are a new parent and or you have a toddler and you're thinking about how [00:04:00] tired you are because they have more energy than you can keep up with. Or they're still waking up every two hours in the nighttime and you don't know when the last time you got a good night's sleep is, and you're just thinking, man, I'm so tired.

we can relate, and yet we're still sitting here at nine o'clock after our busy weekend and traveling to four different cities in 48 hours. And we're delivering this message to you because I think it's a message that people can relate with.

Bruce: Yeah, and I think even more important than that, it's being obedient to God.

You know, this is something that she brought up yesterday when we were sitting there in Waco. It's something that I felt today as I'm sitting there driving home like, Hey, we gotta sit here. We got a podcast. We need to sit there and talk about being able to rely on God, when you're tired

you know, when you go to church and you go to Men's group or you go see a new movie, the new Greg Laurie movie in the movie theater. I mean, you come out energized, ready to [00:05:00] conquer the world, ready to sit there on fire, like, I'm going to go conquer life. And that high that you get from going to that movie or a conference wherever, wherever it might be, or even at church on a Sunday.

You know, it might last a day or two. But when you look at our schedule we have 7, 8, 9, 10, sometimes 14 days in a row where we did what we explained today, not necessarily going to all these different cities every day, but in terms of waking up, going to work, then going to different practice facilities or school events on a daily basis, and then getting home at 9, 9:30, even 10 o'clock at night some nights.

On the days that were filled up with Jesus, those days are easy. You know, you go to church, you're good to go. But when you're tired, when you, when you go 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 days, or you don't get to go to church this weekend because our weekend didn't allow for it, because of how busy we are, you start to run on fumes, you start to sit there and be tired and what once looked like Jesus looks like the opposite of Jesus, especially here in our house.

With me this weekend, I put a text, my group text the boys like, Hey [00:06:00] man, please be praying for me as we go to a podcast. I haven't been patient this weekend. I haven't been loving this weekend. I haven't been caring this weekend, and I haven't said a lot of nice things to my wife this weekend.

And when I say this weekend, all of what I just said was towards my wife, my best friend. And then we go to church today and now I'm feeling on top of the world again. It's like, oh my goodness. And actually the reason why I feel probably more on top of the world right now is because my wife said to me, "honey, you wanna know what I will drive our nine year old to San Antonio. So you can relax."

And you wanna know what, having the chance to go to Costco and get a couple different snacks for our upcoming trip, as well as a few samples, made all the difference in the world. So here we areright now, talking about relying on God a) when we're sitting there filled up, but then also being able to rely on him when we're tired.

Kaila: And that is a perfect segue into the story that we're gonna talk about. And it's a story of Elijah and what I love is that God gives us a story because it's [00:07:00] such a perfect example of the contrast about just being on fire for God, and then what happens in our exhaustion when we take our eyes away from him.

And so we're gonna pick up in 1 King 19 with our scripture. But I'm just gonna hop back a quick step into 1 Kings 18 is this infamous battle scene where Elijah, the prophet, takes on all of the fake prophets or the prophets that are of fake gods, and he kind of calls 'em out and he is like, all right, let's see what your god's got.

Right? Let's see, let's see it. Come on. And all day they're praising and trying to call upon their gods to light this altar and after hours and hours and hours, nothing. And Elijah's kind of making fun of 'em. And then not only does Elijah build an altar, he douses it in water in the middle of a drought, calls upon the name of the Lord and fire strikes.[00:08:00]

Completely consuming the altar and all of the water in it, including, it even says the rocks. And then not only did he say, look, told you so, but he goes and he kills all of those 400 fake prophets.

Bruce: Absolutely. And if you go back into, to 1 Kings 18:27, it talks about, "about noontime, Elijah began mocking them", as my wife just said. "You'll have to shout louder. He's scoffed. For surely he is a god. Perhaps he is daydreaming or he is relieving himself, or maybe he is away on a trip or is asleep and needs to be awakened. So they started shouting louder."

like he sat there and he mocked them and he made fun of them.

He knew who his God was in the moment, in this moment, the battle. He knew who his God was. He knew what His God was capable. It wasn't like he just sat there and said, Hey, I'm gonna call my God in a time that seems pretty simple or convenient. I'm gonna call my God in a time that things are absolutely crazy.

I have 400 guys across from me. On top of [00:09:00] that, I'm gonna sit there and go above and beyond. The reality is what's about to happen shouldn't happen unless it's only done by God alone. That's the biggest thing. When you sit there and look at the number or the amount of water that was supposed to be poured on this thing.

He didn't have guys go back once or twice; three times and pour water on there to douse it. I don't know about you. I've tried to go camping before and I have a hard enough time lighten a fire with dried wood and it still doesn't, you know, I wasn't a boy scout ever so sorry there, but I have a hard time lighting dried wood, let alone wood that was soaked by water more than once.

Kaila: And so when you think about the amount of energy that that took, because first of all, it was hours and hours and hours before he even had the chance. Then he's building this altar and they're going and fetching the water. And then after he did all that, he went and beheaded the 400 prophets. Like it said, he marched them into the valley and killed 'em all.

So you've gotta think of the physical output that this took of a man to [00:10:00] follow and really be obedient to what God was asking him to do. Like that was. He might as well have gone. Not just run the marathon, but you know the Iron Man Marathon Triathlon.

I mean, he just did it all he was completely exhausted by the end of this, or at least that's what I imagine. That's how I would be, is I would just, I've spent every ounce of energy and every little bit of attention and focus to do my best and to be obedient and to follow God. And in the moment I'm on fire and I'm doing it, but then it's over and I just crash.

Bruce: He just crashed. and so, we head into 1 Kings chapter 19, and I'll start with verse one. It says, "when Ahab got home, he told Jezebel everything Elijah had done, including the way he had killed all the prophets of Baal. So Jezebel set this message to Elijah. May the God strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed [00:11:00] you, just as you killed them.

Okay, so the same Elijah who just sat there and mocked 400 guys, killed 400 guys, gets a message from Jezebel, and the same guy who mocked everyone and the same guy who sat there and was on fire for God. You'd think that maybe he'd come back once again, like, haha, what are you gonna do to me?

Right? But no, he was not full of energy at this time. His cup was not refilled that week. It said he was very tired, and as a result, his response, "Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. He went on alone in the wilderness, traveling all day.

He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die." Okay? So two very different looking things. A guy who was full of God just shortly before and now a guy who's super tired relying on himself and when he is sitting here it's easy to get off track of what God intends us to do in life.[00:12:00]

 I know with us right now, we have a lot of stuff going on, both as parents and teachers and starting a ministry, and I know there are days where my wife and I, we are on fire and ready to go and lead people, lead men and women and children alike with our Growing Paynes ministry, and are able to sit there and multitask and do many things.

And then we have days or weekends like this weekend where it's like, man, I'm spitting bullets because I'm relying on myself and not God. I mean, even to the point where, like before we walked into church today, I woke up and my wife said something and she made a funny or a joke and I was like, um, if that's, that's gonna be we probably shouldn't talk this morning.

And I'm like, wait a second. And as the morning goes on, you know, we turn on, Air1 or KLove, and I'm like, did that really just come outta my mouth? And then I'm sitting there thinking, and, and the other thing that kind of happens to us as we get into to these Aspect of life or this time in life when we're tired is I start doubting everything that it is God has called us to do.

 In terms of we sit here and we live in Texas right now, but with inflation [00:13:00] and on two teacher salaries, we don't make enough money. What do we gotta do next? , that's like one of the first things that we go. Or, you know, there's other states that will pay us more as teachers, what should we do?

 And then you sit there and you lose track of why we're here in Texas in the first place. In terms of ministry, we've been called vehemently called to sit here and do growing pains. Yet when we're tired, I'm like, man, I don't have the energy for that right now, let alone try to parent nine kids, be married to my wife and go teach students all day long at school.

But guess what? That's the devil speaking lies to us when we're down and out. That's the devil sitting there trying to speak his truths, which are lies to us when we don't have much to sit there and fight back. And much like how I felt this morning, my wife and I felt this weekend towards one another.

More so me towards her is that we felt like Elijah when he was sitting there getting told by Jezebel that she's gonna kill him. He ran like a little puppy with his tail between his legs and was about to take off rather than sit there and [00:14:00] mock her, you know? Whereas if he would've been filled up, my guess is he would've mocked her and be like, what?

What are you, you really gonna kill me? What are you gonna do to me? Are you gonna sit there and poke me in the eyeball first? Are you gonna pull my ears off? What are you gonna do? Kick me in the knee? That's what he did the day before or the time before that.

And all of a sudden now it's like, like, like a puppy who just peed on himself. He's sitting there tucking his tail and he is walking off.

Kaila: And then not only that, I mean, he's pleading for God. He says, "I've had enough Lord take my life for I'm no better than my ancestors who have already died." So now he's really just throwing a pity party

like, oh no, it'd just be better for me to die. And when we're tired, it's so hard to see all the good or to see the things that are happening and to see the path that we are on. And so Elijah goes and he lays under the broom tree and he's hiding and he's sleeping and he's depressed, and he's throwing himself his little pity party.

And then, it's amazing to me [00:15:00] because God comes to him and feeds him and he's like you've gotta eat and here's some bread. And that's the whole imagery because you know, the bread of life and the bread being God's word and how important it is that we need our daily bread and God's word in our life.

And then it says he finally got up and he traveled for 40 days and 40 nights on the food that the Lord had given. But when he got to his destination, the Lord says to him, "what are you doing here? "

Bruce: And that was the same thing today when I was downstairs. What are you doing here? Like I threw my own pity party to the point where I said," honey babe, I love you. don't talk to me. We are probably better off not talking to each other today."

Just because I was throwing my own pity party, hand against my head, and then as I go downstairs and the first like three or four songs that hopped on in KLove, God's like, what are [00:16:00] you doing here? The same God back then is the same God now. The same God then who took care of those .400 people on Mount Sinai is the same God right now.

The same guy that deliver David and Daniel, and you can go through the list of people in the old and New Testament. He's right here now.

Kaila: And so when we want to. Or I guess when we don't want to , when we're, when we're tired and we're running on fumes and we start to recognize these things happening in our lives, whether it's the way that we're talking to people or our attitudes, there's a reason why they call it being hangry.

You know? Because when we're lacking that nutrition and we're lacking, whether it's sleep or energy, We need those things to keep us going, those physical needs, but I think even more so, we need our spiritual needs, like [00:17:00] we need to be spiritually filled and fed. I know for me, even though we were having a busy week, Wednesday night was pursuit night at our church where we have a night of worship and prayer to pursue Jesus.

And I decided that I was gonna fast for the day, and there were points in my day where I would get a headache, and then I would just pray to God and I was telling my husband, by the time I showed up to Pursuit Night, when I got to that church and I started seeing my ladies and the music started rolling.

I was so "Rejuvenized". Not only did I have energy and I was excited and I was singing and I was dancing, my headache was gone. But it was kind of funny because my watch actually told me that, my stress levels were high. And then I needed to take a step back, like I needed to calm down. I was too excited in the name of Jesus. It wasn't even that. I was just, oh yeah, I'm good. And I'm thinking [00:18:00] clear. Like my heart was literally beating out of my chest as I was praising God and worshiping him and saying, thank you Lord, for being so good. And I really felt his presence upon me, and that's the type of energy that we need to get through our day.

And again, I was intentionally fasting, I was really seeking God, but you don't need to be fasting to seek God when you're tired and you're getting up to change diapers, and you're chasing around a toddler and you're running back and forth between eight different soccer fields to get kids to and from practice after school, getting home, doing home.

Doing laundry, trying to keep up with dishes and all the other things that just pile on top. And it seems like we can't even catch our breath. Well, how do you catch your breath? It's about spending time with Jesus and being intentional about spending time with Jesus.

Bruce: Absolutely. I think, you know, real quick, you said, did you say re rejuvenated or reju?

You said a word that doesn't even make sense. I think it's, she tried to say rejuvenated, just by the way, [00:19:00] when you get back rejuvenated. Yeah, you said "rejuvenized" you did. Oh, . So sorry. I, I'm not even an English teacher, but I'd love to give her in her four point something GPA to my 2.83. I have to sit there and stick it when I can.

And that's one of those times right now that I can stick it. So I am , um, I'm feeling "rejuvenized" nah, just kidding. Rejuvenated as well right now. Um, and so, yeah you have to be intentional. You have to be intentional. And I mean, there's different parts of our walks that need to be intentional right.

 In terms of praying and making time for prayer. Making time to be in the word, making time to sit there and pray, not just by yourself, but with your spouse, to be in relationships with other Christ minded folks who can hold you accountable and who can check on you throughout the day.

I know for her and I, our days get so busy that if we're not intentional about our relationships with other people in terms of, brothers or our sisters in Christ, It's too much for either one of us to handle everything else going on on our own. You have to be intentional in [00:20:00] making time for God and for God's kingdom, which are other people, in my opinion.

You have to be in the Word though. I sat there all weekend and had a pity party. It probably would've been a lot better off if I read about Elijah beforehand rather than sit there and think of it after the fact.

Kaila: I'll remind you of that next time.

Bruce: Are you gonna remind me as in like, in our calendar or schedule?

Like, is that gonna be color coded? Like what color do I get?

Kaila: I'll set a reminder so that it shows up 12 hours before our first soccer game.

Bruce: That is amazing. Hey, and real quick, I'm gonna give a shout out. God's been awesome. We have a couple different things coming up and we have a couple verses we want to end with.

But when she sits here and talks about time management, my wife is an absolute stud in terms of that. And we actually have the chance to sit here and go through and we're doing, not a convention, but something where we're gonna speak to people and then we're actually doing a session on time management.

So you'll hear more about that to come. So I want to give her props where props is due her time management in terms of putting it in the calendar. Holy moly. [00:21:00]

Kaila: All right, so here's what I wanna end on, is I wanna end on the takeaway for you, because we talked about, yes, God is important, but you might still be sitting there going, I don't know how to do that.

I don't know what that looks like in my life, and I strongly believe that one of the best ways to pray is just to pray God's word back to him because his word is perfect and holy. And when I think about what word do I need when I'm tired and worn down and ragged? It's Psalms 23, it starts off with, it says "the Lord is my shepherd, and I have what I need."

And I'm gonna stop a after each verse because I just wanna drop these little nuggets of wisdom, is that you often get tired by seeking more than what you need and God will provide you what you need. So like when my husband was talking about, oh, we're not making enough. Where do we need to move to? What do we need to be doing next?

I think that [00:22:00] often we get caught in this lie of that we need more or we need to be doing more, or we don't have enough and then we get tired because we're not satisfied in what God provides. And then verse two, it says, "he lets me lie down in green pastures and he leads me beside quiet waters." So I know that there's at least half of you out there that have your white noise machines and you put those on when you need to calm down or relax or go to sleep and just think that God, He leads us besides those quiet waters. He brings us peace in the midst of our busyness. And so when we spend time with him, we find that rest.

And then verse three, it says, "He renews my life and he leads me along the right paths for his name's sake". So what I love about this verse is that it doesn't say he leads us on the easiest path.

The path will be [00:23:00] rough. The path might be narrow, the path might be bumpy. It might be even be scary as it says in verse four, "even when I go through the darkest valley". So sometimes we might go through the valley, but we have to trust that God is leading us down the right path. And when we do. He renews my life.

And so he renews our spirit and he gives us that energy to persevere and endure. And then it says, "I fear no danger for you are with me. You're Rod and your staff, they comfort me." And I just thought, rod and the staff, it's the word of God. It's the word of God that comforts us during our times of need or struggle or tiredness or anger, whatever it may be.

All of those feelings when we come to God and we just spend time with God and we recognize God for who He is, and we're just in awe of his [00:24:00] presence. We're renewed and we're refreshed, and so I just pray that you would find time. Go read Psalms 23 and pray that over your own life.

Bruce: Absolutely. And I think you summed it up pretty well.

But just like you'd reminded me or you're gonna remind me, I'm gonna remind you right now, you wanted to give a plug for our 10th podcast. This is number nine. Next up is number 10. What is so special about number 10?

Kaila: All right, so I'm really excited about

Bruce: this. She, wait real quick. She wouldn't even let me have 10 kids.

Only nine. Anyways, ,

Kaila: I'm really excited, but we just celebrated 10 years of marriage,

Bruce: marriage, loving marriage. 10 years of marriage.

Kaila: And so for episode number 10, I am really excited because Bruce and I have decided to do a Q&A episode. So there are a lot of people that like to ask us questions, you know, like, how do you do it?

I don't know. But more specific things, maybe in regards to our parenting style, we've had people reach out to us, Hey, now I'm dealing with a [00:25:00] certain issue. This is gonna be like an an ask the "Paynes" free for all. So any questions that you might have, whether it's about how we run our routines, time management schedules, behaviors, or maybe you have a thing that's going on in your life and you want our input. Hey, Paynes, what do you think about this? How would you handle this situation? We have a form that you can fill out. It's going to be dropped in the show notes below, so make sure you check that out. You can either put your name or you can ask totally anonymous anonymously.

I got it. I caught myself that time anonymously and we are going to go ahead and roll through those for our next episode. So I'm, I'm really excited. I think it's gonna be fun. I'm excited to see what kind of questions people come up with.

Bruce: I like how you make it seem like we haven't already been asked questions.

Cause we actually have had questions asked to us already since we started the podcast. So I think sitting there going forward and with some of those questions, , even though there might only be one or two. So I'd probably just say [00:26:00] question. No, maybe it's questions, but regardless, that there is a form, like she said, that will be in the link below.

Otherwise you can just, I'm old or old school. You can text me or you can just tell me on the phone and say, Hey, guess what? I have a question for you guys. How do you guys, yes. In whatever it might be. Go ahead and reach out to us through the form.

 We're thankful for the prayers coming our way as we sit here and we take off outta town. But we do have some other cool things coming up, some speaking engagements so just keep your eyes up for that, as well as some other ministry opportunities coming up.

And, just wanna say thank you to those of you who are listening and who have helped, us, provide financially for us. We have gotten some awesome gifts the last couple months that have helped us along the way, pay our bills, have helped us get us gas money getting us to and from soccer practices 25 times a week, whatever it might be.

So thank you guys for those of you who have partnered with us and who continue to partner with us as we move forward along with Growing Paynes like I said, we've done the podcast. We're in the middle of writing a book right now. Kind of started last summer, but it's kind of moving forward and hoping to get up by this summer.

And just some other ministry [00:27:00] opportunities this summer as well. So thank you guys.

Kaila: All right. Let's end with a word of prayer. Dear Father, God, I thank you for being our good shepherd and for always giving us what we need. When we are tired and feel like we're running on fumes, you give us what we need and you fill our tanks and you lead us beside quiet waters.

Father God, we know that when we are with you, you renew our life. So I pray for every person listening that they would be intentional about finding time to spend with you, father God, and that they could trust that the path that they're on is the path that you would have for them. Or if it's not, maybe they need to redirect and you need to redirect their path because you're looking at us going, what are you doing here?

What are you doing? And we just need to know that you are with us and you're guiding us, father God, and that you are [00:28:00] the good shepherd. And with you, we can do all things. So Father God, thank you for every single listener. I pray that you would be with them in their walk today and forever in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Bruce: Amen.